1. Baby can burp and fart louder than you can and will do so often.
2. Breastfeeding is difficult and that baby will hurt you unless you get it right. Yes, they can even draw blood like little milk vampires! Ouch!
3. Get it right! I know, thats unfair to say but formula/similac for bottle feeding is a frickin' racket. Atleast $30 a week! Atleast!
4. Diapers. There will be diapers. Buttloads of diapers. I didn't know those little butts could go through 10 a day. Get a diaper genie or smell up your house with tons of baby butt mustard.
5. Day Care will bankrupt you. Moreso if you live in a city. Don't have a baby unless your mom or mother in-law is retired.
6. Babies have little bitty nails and if you don't cut them every week, their faces look like they just took a shortcut through a rose bush. Practice cutting someone else's nails 1st cause its not easy.
7. 5 months. At the 5 month mark they begin to go mobile. No more leaving them in the swing without being buckled in while you take your precious free minute to stuff down whatever's edible that you don't have to cook. Ummm half-frozen microwaveable burrito... Heaven!
8. Clothes. Still not sure why we buy them instead of renting. Most outfits they will only wear once (They outgrow everything extremely quickly). 90% of that time, the outfit's cuteness will be covered by a large, curdled milk-stained bib. So take those hammy downs. Yes, even the stained ones. Don't be proud.
9. Puke. Lots of it. All over your clothes, hair, and that nice couch you bought pre-pregnancy. Don't stress, get immune to it. You're a parent now.
10. Love. You thought you knew what it was. Every day will start your next lesson.
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